


Intrusive Thoughts of an Intrusive Thought

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Brother, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, No Incest, Non-Consensual Kissing, Non-Consensual Touching, Rape/Non-con Elements, and probably other things i'm forgetting, but there are intrusive thoughts of it which also include, coping fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 00:11:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Remus gets thoughts about Roman that he can't control, and he hates it every time he remembers them. Roman wants to help, but he can't when he doesn't even know what Remus is struggling with.





	Intrusive Thoughts of an Intrusive Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Listen. If you haven't read the tags already, please go back and do so. If you have tags turned off, know that this fic has intrusive thoughts centered around incest, but no actual incest is involved. Anything in that direction is a thought, and does not actually happen in the fic. This is my coping mechanism. Don't like, don't read, and don't come after me, RemRom shippers, I get enough crap from my own thoughts when it comes to these two, and it's highly distressing.

Remus couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t stop it, and he _ fucking hated it. _ There was no way to stop...well, him. And usually he had no problems sharing the thoughts that popped into his head. He had no filter. But god, this was a time where he wished he did.

Deceit had known from the second that Remus walked in the kitchen that he was having issues. The neutral stare he got in return to his nod of acknowledgement told Remus that Deceit was not in the mood to lie to him and rationalize his thoughts today. So he was on his own.

Great.

He was making himself breakfast when the thoughts hit him again like his morningstar. _ The feel of his skin, the brush of lips together, noises that were saved only for intimate moments with people who you loved. Lusted after. The thought of moaning Roman’s name as he—stop it! _ He only noticed the shattering of the porcelain bowl in his grip when a piece fell to the floor with a crash. He stared at it, stared at the blood covering his hand from ceramic digging into his skin. He was shaking.

Turning, Remus realized that Deceit had at some point left the room. Remus bit his lip, trying to stop himself from imagining Roman doing the same thing as Remus pushed him against a wall. Sadly, it wasn’t working very well.

Remus cleaned up the bowl and dropped it in the trash in silence. He took a shaky breath and decided that maybe breakfast wasn’t a good idea right now. He had certainly lost his appetite.

As he walked out of the kitchen, back to his room, he noticed Logan pause and stare at him in the hallway. “See something you like?” Remus all but snarled.

“You’re unsettled,” Logan noted. “Is there any particular reason why?”

“Aren’t I always unsettled? Unhinged? Ready to kill you all at the drop of a hat?” Remus asked as he stalked away to his room.

Logan’s eyes didn’t leave him until Remus shut his door. He paced the floor of his room, restless. He needed to focus on something else. What could he focus on? There were so many options. Serial killers, cannibals, dead animals, suicide, homicide...but his thoughts always circled back to incest.

Remus growled. His eyes were stinging. He didn’t want to think about this. He didn’t _ want to think about this! _ “Leave me alone,” he hissed to the thoughts.

The thoughts didn’t let up, they only got worse. _ Remus kissing Roman roughly as Roman struggled to get away. Forcing Roman onto a bed and tying him down as he begged to be let go. Remus forcing himself inside Roman as Roman screamed for help and writhed in pain. The feeling of barebacking, getting closer and closer to—no! No, stop it! STOP IT! _

He didn’t realize he was talking out loud until his shout reverberated off the walls. He hugged his torso and bit his tongue in an effort to stay quiet. If he wasn’t quiet, Roman would definitely hear him through their connected portals to the Imagination. He forced himself to stay silent, even as the thoughts grew bigger, louder, strangling him from the inside out. He dropped to his knees, pressed his hands against his ears as if that would do anything to stop the thoughts. _ Sick, disgusting, freak, no one can know about this! You’re in love with him! _

_ I’m NOT in love with him! _ Remus screamed back. These thoughts weren’t him. They were intrusive. That was the whole point. They weren’t him. Except...he _ was _ intrusive thoughts. He was the literal embodiment of the very thing he was trying to deny. Oh, god, what if he was actually in love with Roman? What if he was trying to deny it? No one would ever forgive him, he’d be banished to the subconscious and forced to become an abstract concept, never to be heard from again, and he would deserve it, too!

When a hand touched his shoulder, Remus wrenched himself away from it and fell flat on his back to reveal...Roman. Standing over him. Looking concerned. “Get away!” Remus hissed.

“Are you okay, Remus?” Roman asked. “Logan said you were acting different, and then I heard yelling. I come in here, and you’re completely zoned out and pale as a ghost.”

“I said get away!” Remus demanded, not daring to shove Roman back lest he grab Roman’s shirt, and pull him in to kiss him. He didn’t trust himself not to do that. He had given Thomas a baby and a knife before, without any forethought. He didn’t trust his body to listen to the part of his brain genuinely distressed by this whole situation.

Roman held his hands up in surrender and backed up half a step. “Are you okay?” he repeated slowly.

“St...stay away,” Remus insisted. “Get out, don’t come back.”

Roman shook his head. “No.”

“I’m not joking, Roman,” Remus insisted quietly. “Get. Out.”

“I’m sorry, Remus, but I can’t,” Roman said. “Not if you’re in trouble.”

The thoughts were attacking Remus relentlessly now, practically ordering him to kiss Roman, to tie him down and and make sure he enjoyed it, to do things that were making him blush, or else just plain flush in anger that he couldn’t get rid of these thoughts.

Roman was still crouched over him, and Remus backed away until he was up against the wall. The thoughts were protesting, but Remus couldn’t. He just...he couldn’t. He didn’t want this, he didn’t! He didn’t want these thoughts!

“...Remus,” Roman said softly. “I need your help. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Remus squeezed his eyes shut tight and willed Roman to go away, but it wasn’t working, he could still hear Roman’s breathing, feel the tension in the air.

“If you won’t tell me, I’m going to go to Deceit,” Roman warned.

“Don’t!” Remus exclaimed, eyes popping wide open holding one hand out in a stop motion.

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” Roman said. “Because you’re hurt and I want to help!”

Remus’ breathing was ragged. The thoughts weren’t shutting up, and his eyes were on fire at this point, and tears were rolling down his face as he admitted, “I’m having...thoughts that are worse than...than usual.”

“Thoughts bad enough to distress you, they must be near unspeakable,” Roman said.

Remus miserably nodded.

“Tell me what they’re saying,” Roman said.

“No,” Remus said. “No. You’ll...you’ll hate me.”

“Nothing could make me hate you,” Roman said. “You’re my brother. We may not always agree, but at the end of the day, I do care for you.”

Remus cringed. “Don’t say that!” he hissed.

Roman was silent for a good minute, before he asked, “Are the thoughts about me?”

Remus hissed through gritted teeth and nodded.

“Oh, Remus...” Roman said, trailing off. “What are they saying? I know you probably can’t say everything they’ve ever said, but what are the most common ones?”

Remus pulled his knees into his chest. “It’s...they...” He took a deep breath, and couldn’t look at Roman as he said, “I...I want to...to sexually assault...you. In just about every way imaginable.”

“No,” Roman said. “No, you don’t.”

“I _ thought it, _ Roman!” Remus insisted. “I’m _ intrusive thoughts! _ This is _ what I do! _ And...and I thought it...which means...”

Roman shook his head as he approached, still crouching on his heels. “It doesn’t mean a thing,” Roman insisted. “You represent intrusive thoughts, and a lot of creativity that Thomas doesn’t want to address. But that doesn’t mean that you believe or want everything you say. And clearly, this is something that you don’t want. No one who actually _ wants _ to participate in incest is this distressed about it.”

Remus closed his eyes and ducked his head as Roman leaned closer, but Roman just kissed the crown of Remus’ forehead, before pressing his head against it. “Thank you for telling me, that couldn’t have been easy,” he said.

“I don’t want to kiss you...” Remus whimpered out. “I don’t want to fuck you. I don’t want to tie you down and rape you. But I can’t stop thinking about it, no matter how much I try, and Deceit made it clear that he wasn’t going to lie to me and tell me that everything was going to be okay today, so I don’t even have that to calm me down some, and—”

“—Remus, take a breath,” Roman said. “It’s okay. I know you don’t want to do those things. And you won’t do that. You would never do that. I trust you enough to know that you wouldn’t willingly hurt me. At least...not in that way. You whack me with your morningstar every chance you get, but that's different.”

Remus chuckled at that. “Well, can you blame me? Someone has to knock your ego down a peg or two. You’re not the epitome of Thomas’ creativity.”

“Nor are you,” Roman pointed out.

“But at least I admit it,” Remus said, playfully shoving Roman backwards. “You act like you’re the best person in the world and that no one could possibly be better than you!”

Roman offered Remus a smile. “Tell you what. Why don’t we go on an adventure in the Imagination together? Try and take your mind off things. If nothing else, you can probably get rid of some of the pent-up frustration you’re dealing with.”

“...Are you sure?” Remus asked. “What happens if my thoughts get projected onto the Imagination? You’d have to see everything I think of in full technicolor glory.”

“Well, then I’ll force you to _ not _ think about bloody vomit, or something as equally disgusting as bloody vomit,” Roman said. “You can sometimes block out one intrusive thought by supplying your brain with another. Like, if you don’t want to think about cats, you tell yourself to not think about moose. Or geese. Or whatever.”

“What if that doesn’t work?” Remus asked.

“Well, we can just leave the Imagination if you’re really worried and I don’t want to see it anymore, but I’d like to do this on the off chance that it helps you handle this better,” Roman said.

Remus considered his options for a minute, before he nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Roman said with a relieved smile. “I’ll grab my sword, you grab your morningstar, and we can come up with the biggest, baddest villain either of us can think of and fight it off together.”

Roman stood and offered Remus a hand, and Remus gently took it, only to be wrapped into a hug by Roman. “At the end of the day, Remus, you’re my brother,” he murmured. “And no matter what, I will never hate you over a simple intrusive thought.”

“Promise?” Remus asked.

“On my honor,” Roman said, placing a hand over his heart. “Now. Last one to the local village has to listen to Sleep complain about whatever the others have been doing this time to annoy him!”

Remus yipped, grabbed his morningstar, and started dashing into the Imagination, while Roman ran next to him with his sword. Both of them just ran as fast as they could, trying to trip the other up, and all thoughts outside of beating each other to the village were temporarily forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have intrusive thoughts, you're not alone. If you have intrusive thoughts surrounding fictional characters, you're _definitely_ not alone. I hope all of you out there are okay. Everyone deserves kindness.


End file.
